life is like an hourglass
when everything hits rock bottom
all you have to do is wait
for something to come along
and turn it around

So, I was gonna make this entry password protected then i figured what would be the point because I should share my feelings. So let’s begin shall we?

Yesterday, I was ditched at a party. Half an hour driving distance from my dwelling. I knew none of these people, at this party so I walked home after waiting for over twelve hours for the person who brought me to return. Needless to say, they never did. I proceeded to walk home, and by the time I got home I no longer had a heart. I no longer had a soul. I also waited a total of three hours to get in my place of residence at the moment. By that time I felt inhumane. I know probably no one has ever felt this way before, but I felt like a stray puppy waiting for someone to take me in. I haven’t spoken to anyone in about 8 hours. It feels like my tongue is glued to the roof of my mouth because when I try to speak I feel as if i have to pry my mouth apart until I decide that the speaking just isn’t worth it.

If you follow me on Tumblr then you may have read my blog about caretakers and dependence. I no longer feel the need to depend on others anymore. My weakness has been taken to throw cheap shots at my ego, my intelligence, and my life. It should not get to me the way that it does but I somehow manage to let it. I often wonder if there was ever a time that I was 100% complete and happy with my life. I had to think hard and that worried me. The people who were put on this earth to care for me and surround me have been the most disrespectful people I know. So I prayed. I asked God if there was something, a skeleton in my closet that makes it all worth the downs in my life. I have come up with nothing. Then, I began to wonder if maybe this was a test of some sort that I needed to go through to learn a life lesson, if so, I think I have learned it. My mind goes through about 40-50 thoughts per minutes on an average day, those thoughts have increased dramatically over time and I feel as if my brain will explode.

With all of these thoughts I propose many questions to you, the reader. When is the time for you to decide that a relationship isn’t worth having anymore? Is it when the guy kicks you when you’re down? Is it the part where he never attempts to help you up, you have to ask for his help? Is it when you reach for his hand and he hesitates? Is it when you dust yourself off and try to keep it moving and he never realizes that the initial kick was totally unwarranted?

life is too short, grudges are a waste of perfect happiness
laugh when you can – apologize when you should
and let go of what you can’t change. love deeply and forgive quickly
take chances – give everything – have no regreats
life is too short to be unhappy you have to take the good with the bad
smile when you’re sad – love what you got
and always remember what you had always forgive but never forget
learn from your mistakes but never regret people change & things go wrong
but always remember life goes on.